A dreary January and frenzied February are finally in the rear-view, and March tiptoes in with a promise of rest. The days are getting longer, the weather warmer, and we are all finally ready to crawl out of whatever that dark abyss the last three was. It was a long, unforgiving winter. But light-soaked days are upon us. Chardonnay in the garden, sun-kissed skin under a sundress, and warm nights with the stars. It’s all coming! But first, we need to clean. Really clean.
For the cleaning we’ll be doing, we need a companion. Maybe even a few. This companion should be just right. A comforting presence that doesn’t require significant brain power to comprehend, but isn’t overly rousing. Let’s look at some of the best movies, TV shows, and podcasts to play during long days of scrubbing, de-cluttering, or sifting. And we will need a lot of content, because it’s gonna take awhile.
We can agree passive intake is a common phenomena, especially while doing chores. It’s romantic to put on a playlist and use the end of your broom like a microphone, but the novelty wears off quickly. Nobody wants to spend an inordinate amount of time searching for just the right thing to put on. So, to ensure you have a swift and productive spring cleaning session, I curated the ideal watches (listens?) as you ready your space for a bright new season.
MOVIES
I would argue mid-aughts realism films make for the ideal passive watches. They draw just enough emotional appeal to stimulate interest, but aren’t so dramatic as to be entirely gripping. Furthermore, they offer a unique flavor of nostalgic charm. Tuscan-style interior design, Motorola Razr flip phones, and oversized sunglasses. You too can evoke images of the disheveled yet quirky 2000s romcom protagonist, complete with whimsi-goth attire and a messy bun. There is also a greater possibility you have already seen many of these films; re-watches make for great secondary consumption!
He’s Just Not That Into You
A classic rom-com with a surprisingly killer soundtrack, this film is a less festive, less irreverent Love Actually. Its overlapping stories center women in various relationship entanglements and how they go about navigating these various encounters. The perspective isn’t wholly feminine as the film attempts to consider how men feel about these interactions. While its conclusions about love and marriage are already archaic by today’s standards, it offers plenty of attention-keeping moments and a solid enough narrative. With a hefty runtime, it’s bound to keep you in an amused trance while cleaning out the refrigerator.
The Switch
Is it a coincidence Jen Aniston is in every movie on this list so far? Admittedly, The Switch is worth a watch in and of itself.
Blue Velvet
Woah, where did that come from?! In all seriousness, David Lynch’s mystifying soundscapes make for melodic background noise. If you want to enroll your faculties beyond passive consumption, see if you can follow along a Lynchian plot while unclogging your shower drain. Blue Velvet has a distinct springtime flair. By its end its characters seem to emerge from a malicious winter with a new perspective on their “strange” world. Perhaps you will too!
TELEVISION
The key to the ideal passive TV watch is similar to the rule in films; avoiding overly dramatic, visually driven narratives. Overall, we are looking for upbeat and dialogue-heavy.
Queer Eye
With eight seasons under the reboot’s belt, there is no shortage of Queer Eye content to binge. Its stories are uplifting, empowering even. Not to mention the Fab Five’s infectious energy. After hearing how the show’s “heroes” as they are called manage to get their lives together, you might start believing you can too! And nothing beats some home decoration before-and-after montages to motivate you into rearranging your living room!
Any Episodic Comedy
TV shows that lack heavily imposed narrative continuity are ideal for passive consumption. There might be occasional visual cues missed, but dialogue-driven plots are a hallmark of comedy television. Let that auto-play button carry you through an entire season and organize your pantry.
A Reality Show of Your Choice
Reality television is already the epitome of voyeuristic elitism. You may as well be productive while reminding yourself how much better you are than those fools on whichever island. Plus, reality shows are essentially all chatter, with little to lose while looking away from the screen.
PODCASTS
If Books Could Kill
A podcast where hosts, Michael Hobbes and Peter Shamshiri, dissect “Airport Bestsellers.” Otherwise understood to be paperback nonfiction books that seem to fall loosely in the “self-help” or “business” categories. Hobbes and Shamshiri deliver on comedic quips that makes it easy listening, but not without their poignant critiques of the at times outrageous ideas hidden in some of these titles. Their witty banter makes listening feel like a conversation with gabby, well-read friends more than an educational podcast.
You’re Wrong About
I can’t in good faith recommend true crime podcasts, but I can suggest You’re Wrong About, wherein the hosts deconstruct media framing as it impacts public perceptions of historic scandals. Another enlightening listen, contextualized within familiar, infamous news stories or cultural moments.
Normal Gossip
The suburban intrigue of reality television with the chatty cadence of the aforementioned podcast; Normal Gossip tells salacious, real stories. Eavesdrop in on these juicy tales! You’ll find yourself seven hours later, in a home with clean dishes, folded linens, sparkling grout.
Happy cleaning! I hope you find a cleaning companion out of this list, or that it at least inspired a few options. Ahead, to better days, and maybe even a cleaner, tidier space for more active, thoughtful consumption in the future.